just like this rainstorm / this august day song

[acchikocchi]

For the benefit of the two people in JE fandom with nice quiet filters flists, je_holiday signups are open again. Yes, I already signed up. I need a deadline or I'll end up going an entire year ficless, which is... bad. So you guys should, too. please (Lest you think I've forgotten about my - my fic debt, I haven't. It's going to get finished. Someday. *determined*)

'Tis the season of job applications, plus one internship that I want badly enough to take over anything that actually pays well. I have several floating out there, most of which would take me away from Alaska - this is okay for the short term, say a couple years, it's when I start thinking about the long term that I get twitchy. Thus my mature response is, as always, to do my very best to not think about it. Regardless I would be thrilled if any of these came through so cross your fingers for me if you can?

Speaking - a paragraph ago - of writing, I am feeling kind of rejuvenated in the fic sector and want to stretch my metaphorical muscles again. Maybe prompts in the near future, I'm not sure, since those usually seem to help in a strange sort of way. Or a meme. I shall have to poke around the flist. (OR I COULD FINISH THE TWELVE HUNDRED WIPS ON MY HARD DRIVE. I KNOW, ALL RIGHT.)

In the meantime a meme, because I like memes:

Inspired by Doctor Who's "Turn Left:" Pick one of my stories and tell me a point in the tale that you'd change. Something tiny (e.g. "and then Fay chose silver glitter instead of gold") or big (e.g. "and then Rose was arrested instead of Jack") and I'll tell you how that one difference would have altered the course of the entire story.

Comments

[spurious.livejournal.com]

you should be online so i can talk to you

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

*poof*

it's like magic!

[akamaru07.livejournal.com]

Goodluck on the internship! I feel like I'd be doing that very soon too :D

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

:D Thanks very much - good luck to you, too!

[matchynishi.livejournal.com]

aaah i hope you get the jinternship!! *hugs*

also, this is my spot for doing the meme. tomorrow, coz it is now past 2am and i should rly sleep alsdkjflkj. :x

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

*squishes* thank you!

yes. yes you should. have a good night's sleep, I'll see you tomorrow. ♥

[gingifere.livejournal.com]

Guh, job hunting is always unbearably stressful. I'm the same as you, in that I don't think I could handle moving long term away from London--as much as I whine about it, it is my home!

Hmm. For the sky above, the world beneath, 'and then Kame discovered the boy', because I'd be interested to see how he'd deal with things, whether he'd run in the same way that Jin did, or if he'd stay with JE.

[ina]

That's a really interesting idea. :D I second that, since I couldn't think of anything. :)

And of course I am keeping my fingers crossed for you, Mer! ♥

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

It. It is far too interesting an idea, because two separate storylines unfolded in my head and one of them took three comments to explain. So the second storyline will be on your behalf. *buries head in hands*

Aw, thank you so much Ina. :) ♥♥♥

[ina]

OMG! This. This is amazing. *speechless* The pure heartbreak of it all and yes I can exactly see how perfect it fits for Kame, Jin, Yamapi and Takki to react they way you are discribing.

So the one you didn't write yet, is the one where it doesn't stay covered up for some time? I really can't wait to get "my" half. :D ♥

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

*glee* Why thank you - whenever I think about Takki I think of you and try to make sure he's got enough depth. :D

Yes, in your half (hee), someone finds out after all. GUESS WHO. *cracks knuckles; types*

late but not too late, I hope :)

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

DOOR #2

The other option, if Kame stumbles away, is that Jin finds the body anyway.

The investigation and the hearings would play out the same way, only this time Kame is almost sick with guilt. He should be the one under the glare of the lights and cameras, he should be the one trailed by the press, he should be the one reciting every detail of what he saw over and over. And then, of course, the hearings are over, and he hears Jin has left the country. He can't tell anyone the truth, of course, not now, and besides, nothing he can do would bring Jin back. Poor Kame, it seems that whatever happens he's haunted by some extreme mental burden. In this case it's not the boy so much, because that was properly investigated and punishment meted out - as much as it could have been - it's almost completely that he in effect drove Jin from Japan. (Twice, if I were feeling particularly evil and made Kame in some way responsible for 2006.)

And because of this, when his manager calls with a new contract he refuses. Strongly. His manager is used to Kame being fairly obedient and good-tempered so he's not inclined to believe him at first, but somewhere in Kame's semi-subconscious is this idea that if Jin can't stay in Japan and have a successful career, Kame shouldn't either. Kame's deathly afraid of living overseas, as opposed to a little bit of safe traveling, but this is his penance, sort of. If he really stopped and thought about it he'd probably find it not particularly reasonable, but this is all buried just beneath the surface. So he goes to London, or maybe New York, or maybe Paris. Somewhere large and anonymous and very, very different. Of course he has very little in the way of marketable skills, but he's still in touch with Koizumi Kyoko, who has friends abroad. (The extent of their relationship, present or former, is left hazy.)

It's a little uncomfortable getting in touch with her friends, because for the first time it really strikes home that he doesn't even have a high school degree, and these people seem very... worldly and cultured. It's not a question of education, but all the same it makes him more conscious of the lack, and of his relatively narrow Japan-centric worldview. Nevertheless, these friends connect him to the Japanese expat community and opportunities like language exchange - and most importantly, one offers him a job. This man - let's say his name is Harada - is an art dealer, buying and selling European and Asian art between France and Japan, besides running a tiny little gallery. As Kame knows next to nothing about art and speaks almost no French besides, he's mainly responsible for cataloguing acquisitions, contacting Japanese clients, doing paperwork, etc. But, like in most cases of total immersion, he learns a lot, very quickly. He's surprised to find that he enjoys especially dealing with the technical aspects such as restoration and framing. It's very precise, very detail-oriented, and above all, all about presentation - and Kame knows all about presentation.

Of course he's horribly, horribly homesick. He can't tell his parents or his brothers or his friends how miserable he is at first, because they'd tell him to come home, and he can't come home, but he can't tell them why. He gets lost. He can barely communicate. He doesn't have very much money. He can't cook well. He's lonely. He's tired, all the time, from sheer mental stress. And of course, deep down inside, he remembers why he's here in the first place.

part 2

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

But of course, very slowly things improve. Seemingly very suddenly, his French hits a level that makes communication possible. Not-so-coincidentally, he gets lost a lot less. He becomes friendly with his language exchange partners and with some of the other Japanese expats his age and goes out with them. Koizumi's friends have made an effort to sort of include and keep an eye on him and he becomes more comfortable with them, partly because his own mind is expanding and he's learning much more. He still doesn't have much money, but through excruciating trial and error he can cook a little. He sleeps better.

He has a couple tentative romantic involvements - with aforementioned young (male) Japanese expats - but he's always the one to break things off. He doesn't consciously realize he's going through the stage of putting out feelers, experimenting with relationships (vs. pure sexual experimentation), that normal Japanese kids his age all went through as teenagers, only ten years later. He was the idol that generally followed the rules, he never did "casual" (the question of whether he more or less proceeded directly from "basic kid-stuff fooling around with his peers" to "long term serious relationship with older woman" is left to the reader XD) and he definitely, definitely never did casual, serious, or otherwise with males. Not that he consciously acknowledged wanting to. Oh Kame.

Life continues. Kyoko comes to visit when he's been there about a year; she's impressed with the changes in him. Seeing a piece of his old life and his old home brings a torrent of feelings rushing to the surface and Kame comes perilously close to spilling everything - the homesickness, the loneliness, the guilt, what really happened in the jimusho that night the feelings for A Certain Person buried so deeply under fathoms of denial and repression that he's never actually acknowledged them - and just barely manages to keep control of himself, at the expense of a few tears. Kyoko knows there's something going on - I mean, she knew there was something going on when Kame called up and said "By the way I'm moving abroad" - and she has her suspicions, but of course she only knows the tip of the iceberg, so to speak, what was reported about the hearings and what she observed of Kame over their long, ahem, period of close friendship. She also has the nasty feeling that she's on the edge of turning into some kind of mother figure which... is not a pleasant thing to contemplate for a woman who considers herself relatively young, in a business where there's so much pressure on being young, from a former "close friend" at that. So, uh, it's heavily implied that she sleeps with him. For comfort. >_>

Another year passes, then another. Kame still hasn't been back to Japan even for a visit. He's gotten quite good at French, he has a network of friends, he's a valued part of Harada's little art dealership, coordinating restoration and presentation (though it did take him a while to break a tendency towards the, shall we say, overextravagant... ;D) and dealing directly clients - Harada discovered quickly that Kame is excellent with clients, especially Japanese. *g* Customer service and salesmanship were integral parts of JE, after all. He's so good at cultivating clients, in fact, coupled with his experience with presentation and acquired knowledge over the last three years, that one morning he comes in and Harada tells him he's going to Japan to liaise with a new and very important client, a brand-new exclusive Tokyo gallery selling a couple pieces by contemporary Japanese artists and installing an exhibition mainly of their recently purchased European pieces. It takes a moment to sink in, and Kame is first blank and then absolutely, completely terrified. He does his very best to get out of it by modesty and other unobtrusive methods - "oh, I'm really not experienced enough, this is far too high of an honor for me" - but no dice, and he can't explain that after being away for so long he's simply scared to go back.

TO BE CONTINUED


(I looked at the clock and realized it was 1:21 AM and I was about to go to bed after I emailed you over an hour ago. AND I'M MAYBE ABOUT HALFWAY THROUGH. *flees for real this time*)

Re: part 2

[ina]

Awesome! I really like this version too and of course it's not too late. It's never too late. :) Hopefully you'll find the time to write the rest too because I want to know what happens in Japan and how Jin and Kame meet again.

I am sorry that I am just replying now. :(

part i (i, uh. broke the character limit.)

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

Kame wouldn't tell anyone. He would be too confused, and too paralyzed with fear. Once the first shock was over, his mind would be whirling in helpless circles and his body's instinctive response would be to back out of the room very, very quietly. (I've always pegged Kame as flight rather than fight (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response), instinctively.) The thing is that Jin acts first and asks questions later, and Kame would - he wouldn't know who to tell in the first place, or what to say, or what the repercussions would be, or what was going on in the first place, or, or... in short, he would overthink and while he was overthinking he would be keeping his mouth shut and praying someone else takes care of the problem.

There are two possible paths from there. The first is that the perpetrator(s) takes care of everything before anyone else happens along and it's never found out. That would have, obviously, a severe effect on Kame, because now he knows, but he doesn't know, really, and he can't stop wondering - what happened, how, who was involved - there's a whole new filter to his vision now. Most of all, he knows it's his fault it stayed covered up and it's his fault Shinoda's family has no idea what's happened to their son other than that he's "missing". It's bad. Kame has enormous strength of will, so if he told himself to keep on scraping through every day at work he'd keep on scraping through every day at work, but I think he'd reach a point where, consciously or subconsciously, he'd stop wanting to - because he wants to get away from the jimusho and what it now represents to him, because he wants someone to find out, who knows why. Eventually, he loses it.

I'm not sure what form that kind of nervous breakdown would take (my first thought is hallucinations, but that may be my melodramatic side coming out), but he tries to tell someone either before (prompting the collapse) or after. Specifically, I think he would try and tell Jin - at this point his mental state is such that any consideration of previous interpersonal tension or likely disbelief or anything like that is so far off the table - precisely because Jin is the type of person to act first and ask questions later. Also if he tried to take it to management he'd just end up locked away or something and the story would be over. XD Jin can barely parse what Kame's trying to say, because Kame can barely bring himself to explain it coherently, but once he gets the general idea... the automatic reaction is disbelief, of course, but there are a couple things in Kame's favor. One is that Jin has been in the jimusho for a long time, he has eyes, and he's tried to leave before. Clearly he's familiar with the seamier side. Another is that Kame's breakdown didn't come out of nowhere. It was clear that something was wrong, and getting worse and worse, but no one in his group or friends or family had any idea what the hell was going on - he didn't have a particularly heavy schedule. There had to be some reason. Finally, whatever their conflicts or entanglements might have been in the past, Jin has known Kame for a long time and he knows Kame is a very realistic and pragmatic person, not prone to fancy, not inclined to embroider the truth, and most importantly, fanatically devoted to work and by extension preserving the face of the jimusho. (Also, not clinically insane.) If Kame's saying this, there has to be some seed of truth involved.

part ii

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

So while Kame is "resting" Jin decides to investigate a little. He probes Yamapi, because Yamapi knows a lot (though I think he tries to ignore things he doesn't want to see) and because Yamapi can't refuse him and would never mention it to anyone else. He goes out with Takki a few times. He starts to befriend juniors - lots of juniors. (Side effect of this: suddenly everyone on Shounen Club is saying the senpai they most want to be like is Akanishi-kun... XD) Though initially he tries to keep everything under wraps - just idle curiosity, nothing to see here - he eventually spills what he's been doing to Kame and they begin pooling ideas, trying to piece the information together and decide what to try next. This is good because though Jin is smarter than he gets credit for, he is probably not up to this kind of strategizing on his own. Ahaha. (Do I have to explicitly mention the, the mending relationship and the protectiveness and the UST and all that? We're all thinking it anyway, right? Right.)

The breakthrough is a junior named Yanagi. Jin first notices him because he's a little younger and shyer, not part of any particular group or clique, and the other boys... they don't pick on him, exactly, but their "teasing" has a harsh edge to it. Yanagi doesn't protest because he wants to be one of them, and that includes a fair amount of typical boy teasing, but this is exclusive, not inclusive, and - actually, Jin realizes, Yanagi reminds him of Kame. And like Kame, Yanagi is quick to take to Jin. XD And of course, as Jin figures out, as Yanagi is newer and an outsider and quiet by nature, he doesn't know what's normal for the jimusho and what's not, and he's not likely to talk with anyone... Let us just say, the little ring of management involved has already come to that same conclusion and acted accordingly. Ick.

So now they need incontrovertible evidence. (This is where I have to check Japanese law about what may be used as evidence in a criminal trial, but for the moment let's assume nothing here would get the case thrown out of court.) Time to call on Yamapi again. The thing with Yamapi is that though he's picked up inklings of creepy conduct, he wants it not to be true so strongly he's basically convinced himself it's not there. But again, he can't say no to Jin, and he would never betray him. Jin more or less forces him to face the truth, which he does not take well. I hate it when they fight, but there's probably a fight. But it's Yamapi, crumpled and red-eyed and nothing like the commercials, that suggests Takki be their in. He has seniority, he's currently in a netherworld between talent and future management, and (though no one actually puts it like this, ahaha) his interest could be... plausible. (Poor Takki. XD) Only problem is how to convince him to do it. They figure Yamapi asking him for something might be one of his weak spots - Yamapi and Takki have kind of grown apart, mostly on Yamapi's part - but they're all surprised to find out that Takki is not only willing to believe their story but also willing to pose as a violent child molester to build a case. o_O; But this is Takki's chance to get out. Deep down - very deep - he's tired of going through the motions of single, stage play, junior project at the expense of a life of his own, and the idea of becoming, like, Johnny's heir and an "insider" is deeply unsettling on several levels, not the least of which is that he has a fairly good idea of just what kind of abuse of power is going on... but anything outside of the jimusho is the unknown, and that's terrifying. It's been his whole life, and when it comes down to it he doesn't have the courage or will or moral convictions or what have you to leave on his own. Here's his chance. (See, there are reasons he spends a lot of time drunk.)

part iii (YES I KNOW)

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

So Takki approaches the inner circle. He's embarrassed but not, if he's honest with himself, entirely surprised they take him in so easily. They explain who it is okay to approach, when, etc. etc. All of this is recorded with cheap Akihabara recording devices. They explain some of the... rougher... options. Takki is at this point feeling pretty shaky but he is surprisingly good at playing it cool. Maybe he's too good at playing it cool, and too desperate to get something that will get him out, because he sees an opportunity soon afterwards and takes it and basically ends up videotaping an extremely disturbing situation that is potentially dangerous, clearly a non-consensual abuse of power, plus breaks (as he happens to know) age of consent laws. And of course the whole time the kid (who may or may not be Yanagi) is looking at him like "...Takizawa-senpai? What? D:"

So they have their evidence but Takki's physically ill and possibly having a minor nervous breakdown and Jin refuses to let Kame watch it in the first place, what with past trauma and everything. Was it worth having to watch that happen to a boy and know they could have stopped it? Hm. And on top of that, what to do with the evidence? There's no trouble getting ahold of a good lawyer, what with all the arcane connections - so-and-so knows so-and-so has parents who know so-and-so, etc. - but how to frame it. In the end, they leave Kame out of it. It's framed as Jin discovering something from Yanagi, then consulting with Yamapi, who brought in Takki, who volunteered to find out what he could, hence the results.

Whatever faults the Japanese justice system may have, I think tapes like that would be more than they could ignore (especially with the brand new jury trials), and because there is a physical record ready to be distributed to media networks that makes it much, much harder to attempt buy offs and cover ups. ...if I were a cruel person, the justice system would be inherently corrupt and the media networks too tied to the jimusho to accept the tape. But I'm an optimist at heart, so that's not how the world unfolds in my head. It's huge news. The individuals are indicted and the jimusho as a whole subject to investigation pending damages. Everyone knows, and the jimusho crumbles.

The thing is, of course they can't prove anything about Shinoda, they have zero concrete evidence. The guilt is probably never going to leave Kame entirely. But Shinoda's family can put two and two together, once the case comes out, and I figure they hire some hotshot private investigator or lawyer and at least are awarded some kind of damages. Hardly compensation, but the world is not perfect. (I can't imagine this end tying up neatly, but it can at least be left optimistic - after all, we know how it would turn out if this were a crime jdrama, so that can be implied. *g*)

So in the end there's Takki, Yamapi, Jin, and Kame. Takki has not really gotten his shit together but he thinks he's happier, or will be. He's probably going to move to some isolated Okinawan beach town for a while, figure out what he actually wants to do with his life. Yamapi is totally at a loss, and will in all likelihood end up joining another talent agency and trying desperately to cling to all his friends from the jimusho lest they somehow escape when he's not looking. And Jin and Kame... Tokyo's hot in the summer, not to mention the media frenzy, and Kame has this friend who has this place in the mountains, if Jin, maybe, wants to come and stay for a while....?

Of course Jin does.




....oh my lord, that was supposed to be the short one. option two - WHICH WAS THE ONE I WAS PLANNING ON - to come later. good god what is wrong with me.

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[matchynishi.livejournal.com]

clearly this is your not-so-inner writer DEMANDING TO BE LET OUT. LET IT OUT, MER-CHAN, LET IT OUT THROUGH LOTS AND LOTS OF FIC. :D :D :D

ps: this was sort of rly awesum. *_*_*_*

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

i... yes, clearly that was the product of several ficless months, wtf. XD thank you, ahaha!

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[pithetaphish]

Mer, this sounds phenomenal! And depressing as all hell. But phenomenal! I wouldn't blame you at all if you decided to leave it at that, but oh the possibilities... ^_^

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

*dies* Thank you! It. It would end somewhat optimistically, because I am me - it was actually kind of a fight not to make everything unrealistically happily settled. XD Given that it's essentially a fic AU plus as the plot's all figured out there are no surprises it probably won't ever see the light of day, but... you never know! I would be lying if I said it wasn't fun to figure out. ^_^

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[darkgloom.livejournal.com]

oooh, this is all kinds of amazing. *_*

And good luck for your internship! aj;sdf I nearly typed jinternship XD

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

a belated thank you on both counts! :D

that matchy and her jinternships, she's brainwashing us all. ;)

Re: part iii (YES I KNOW)

[akamaru07.livejournal.com]

I reread The Sky Above last night and remembered a comment somebody posted in your lj about what if it was Kame instead of Jin. So I went off stalking your lj, going through your fic posts :D And I'm glad I did because I found this! *dancing* Will read later when I get home from work.

[uminohikari.livejournal.com]

Isn't it easier to get internships than jobs generally?

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

Alas, not in this job market. ^^; The New York Times ran a related article (http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/09/business/09intern.html?_r=1) recently... T_T

I can spell, I swear.

[razberrycreme.livejournal.com]

Oooh I'm so excited I WANT TO READ THE FICS NOW, NOW I TELL YOU NOW. :O

!! good luck with jobs! :O

(OR I COULD FINISH THE TWELVE HUNDRED WIPS ON MY HARD DRIVE. I KNOW, ALL RIGHT.)

brb dying of laughter XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD YES, YOU COULD DO THAT. XD

:| I have no idea what to do for these memes. I suppose I will just have to do some research and reread all of your fics and carefully think about them. XD <3

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

Thank you on all counts! :D

And no worries, I don't think many other people have much of an idea either. *g*

[paddyabroad.livejournal.com]

internships, I feel your pain, lots of luck dear!!!

As for the meme, Five Things That Never Happened To Hayato And Ryu, second part, when after they came Ryu-chan counts down till 5 to tell Haya off who is about to cry and leaves. Say what if Ryu would need to count to 10, making Haya the first to break the silence... ^^

[pithetaphish]

Pick one of my stories and tell me a point in the tale that you'd change.

Marquee. Jin's paired with Kame instead of Pi.


(Also Bodysnatchers, what happens next? I don't mind spoilers at all ^_~)

*shamelessly butting in, should i apologize..??*

[matchynishi.livejournal.com]

"Marquee. Jin's paired with Kame instead of Pi."

I SECOND THIS BY LIKE, A LOT

pithetaphish-san is such a jinius, ne. *_*_*_*

Re: *shamelessly butting in, should i apologize..??*

[acchikocchi.livejournal.com]

I KNEW YOU WOULD LIKE THAT. XD

p.s. that icon is so you.

Re: *shamelessly butting in, should i apologize..??*

[matchynishi.livejournal.com]

MER-CHAN IS SO PSYCHIC. *_*_*_*

p.s. i am sure i have no idea what you mean. :>

Re: *shamelessly butting in, should i apologize..??*

[matchynishi.livejournal.com]

oops, wrong icon, do not be offended!! :O I am sure your porn is awesome too..!

Re: *shamelessly butting in, should i apologize..??*

[matchynishi.livejournal.com]

oh wait, i should probably just have edited my comment. :| i should...... well, stop nao. :\