Her mother told her some things, when she was older, that made her second-guess her own memory. Or see, unwillingly, what she barely remembered: twin raised voices, father and son, piercing her sleep; her mother, tight-mouthed with anger; her grandmother murmuring another rosary under her breath and stroking Olaya's hair. Maybe it was worse than she thought, maybe her imagination isn't reliable, maybe she misunderstood. Either way, she's glad she never knew any of it while he was alive.
I think I've said a lot about this already in my other comments, so I'll just say that I am honored you borrowed my canon. XD and that of course DV would still yell at his father. god I could write such a good fight scene between them with so much self-loathing OH WAIT SIDETRACKED SORRY.
They almost never fight, though. The one thing her father never, ever does is push back.
again, nothing really to add here but massive respect for how carefully characterized this all is.
Zaida frowned. "But didn't you want to win something yourself?"
Her mother smiled a little. "Sometimes what you want changes."
Zaida looked at her, uncomprehending.
Her mother rolled her eyes and said to the sky, "No, of course, she must be the milkman's child."
OK I LAUGHED OUT LOUD HERE. of course this is also working on multiple levels. it's beautiful to see how well her mother understands her, and how little Zaida understands her mother (yet). and that's ANOTHER theme of this fic, right? family and understanding your parents and them understanding you and sldkjfkdfg.
Gonzalez, a couple feet away, reaches over and smacks Soriano across the back of the head, not gently. "Shut up," he hisses, and glances at Zaida, giving her an apologetic grimace.
Zaida shrugs, but she can feel her mouth flattening out. Gonzalez probably gets it, but that doesn't make it any better.
ohhhhhh I SHIP THIS SO HARD YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Gonzalez would be all pretty and shy and awkward and have an unexpected temper and Zaida would be pretty and loud and awkward and have a very expected temper and they would have a lot of great sex. trust me.
What he means is be positive, upbeat: like good girls. It's bullshit, so Zaida says what she feels like saying, like always.
YES. again, this is like a young DV, kind of, except he never had to be a good boy, no one ever expected or wanted that of him. and they do of Zaida, of course, and of course she resents it.
She looks right into the camera. "I'm going to do better."
THIS. RIGHT HERE. I had DV and Raul flashbacks, too.
She's never once thought about moving: she'll win, she'll be the best, on her terms, at her club, in her country. She'll make everyone acknowledge her. She looks at her father and he's staring at her, at as much of a loss as she is.
"You want to go abroad?" he says.
god fucking damn, this scene. DV never went abroad in this fic, did he? I wonder how much this hurts him, how much he understands her, how much he can. he always did things on his terms, but he always could, I guess. this is just an incredible moment, Mer. there's so much complexity to it that just. damn. that I suppose is what I am saying. damn.
She knows, deep down, that if it weren't for her father, if she were born into any other family, she'd have had to fight twice as hard for what she has. Which just makes her more frustrated, fills her with the perverse urge to push and push and push and make him stop holding back. She's not a kid and she's not a little girl. She's going to deserve what she gets.
this tries back so beautifully to the line where she talks about DV having a chip on his shoulder for no reason, since she has this chip on her shoulder, too, because she thinks it was too easy, because she thinks he's too easy on her (because she's not his son?). it's astoundingly good writing.
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I think I've said a lot about this already in my other comments, so I'll just say that I am honored you borrowed my canon. XD and that of course DV would still yell at his father. god I could write such a good fight scene between them with so much self-loathing OH WAIT SIDETRACKED SORRY.
They almost never fight, though. The one thing her father never, ever does is push back.
again, nothing really to add here but massive respect for how carefully characterized this all is.
Zaida frowned. "But didn't you want to win something yourself?"
Her mother smiled a little. "Sometimes what you want changes."
Zaida looked at her, uncomprehending.
Her mother rolled her eyes and said to the sky, "No, of course, she must be the milkman's child."
OK I LAUGHED OUT LOUD HERE. of course this is also working on multiple levels. it's beautiful to see how well her mother understands her, and how little Zaida understands her mother (yet). and that's ANOTHER theme of this fic, right? family and understanding your parents and them understanding you and sldkjfkdfg.
Gonzalez, a couple feet away, reaches over and smacks Soriano across the back of the head, not gently. "Shut up," he hisses, and glances at Zaida, giving her an apologetic grimace.
Zaida shrugs, but she can feel her mouth flattening out. Gonzalez probably gets it, but that doesn't make it any better.
ohhhhhh I SHIP THIS SO HARD YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Gonzalez would be all pretty and shy and awkward and have an unexpected temper and Zaida would be pretty and loud and awkward and have a very expected temper and they would have a lot of great sex. trust me.
What he means is be positive, upbeat: like good girls. It's bullshit, so Zaida says what she feels like saying, like always.
YES. again, this is like a young DV, kind of, except he never had to be a good boy, no one ever expected or wanted that of him. and they do of Zaida, of course, and of course she resents it.
She looks right into the camera. "I'm going to do better."
THIS. RIGHT HERE. I had DV and Raul flashbacks, too.
She's never once thought about moving: she'll win, she'll be the best, on her terms, at her club, in her country. She'll make everyone acknowledge her. She looks at her father and he's staring at her, at as much of a loss as she is.
"You want to go abroad?" he says.
god fucking damn, this scene. DV never went abroad in this fic, did he? I wonder how much this hurts him, how much he understands her, how much he can. he always did things on his terms, but he always could, I guess. this is just an incredible moment, Mer. there's so much complexity to it that just. damn. that I suppose is what I am saying. damn.
She knows, deep down, that if it weren't for her father, if she were born into any other family, she'd have had to fight twice as hard for what she has. Which just makes her more frustrated, fills her with the perverse urge to push and push and push and make him stop holding back. She's not a kid and she's not a little girl. She's going to deserve what she gets.
this tries back so beautifully to the line where she talks about DV having a chip on his shoulder for no reason, since she has this chip on her shoulder, too, because she thinks it was too easy, because she thinks he's too easy on her (because she's not his son?). it's astoundingly good writing.